Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What I want to be when I grow up

I have no idea, that's what.

How is it, that as a grown woman with 3 (almost 4) kids, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. (Wait, didn't I just say I am grown up?)

Aaron had posted a sermon clip on his blog that I listened to yesterday. It covered a broad range of things that I've been thinking through lately. From God having a plan (that He most of the time does not intend to clue me in on until it is accomplished), to my life not being about me, to differences in marriage and how they are to strengthen the other person, to self-righteousness.... well, just listen to it.

Anyway, toward the end the pastor hit a cord for me. He talked about his wife feeling like she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. (I need to actually listen to the message again, b/c I somehow don't remember WHY he was talking about this. I think I started to drift to my own thoughts of, yeah - that's me!) This is possibly a common feeling amongst stay-at-home mom's ... but especially a pastor's wife (which obviously the man giving the sermon was a pastor, thus talking about his wife ... the pastor's wife) ... of which I happen to be both. But I still don't get how 10 years later, 3 kids later ... I still don't know. Yes, I'm living out what I'm supposed to be doing TODAY. I have a HUGE job, I get that. As for my passions in life, the things that reach to the core of my soul ... what do I do with those things? (And is it at all possible that I could make a few bucks doing it? Wouldn't that be stupendous?!?!)

I guess this takes me back to my "Quest for More". Hmmmmm.......

Any ideas? What should I be when I grow up??? Suggestions accepted (but most likely thrown out).


pmoffitt said...

My father, who will be 82 this year, still asks this question. And I think the answer is this.... we DON'T grow up here; we just experience part of the process, part of the journey. The arrival, the being "grown", the knowing what the desires of our hearts really are, resides largely in that day when we finally stand before the one who made us. Part of the dilemma of maturing is that we all expect that we will at some point "arrive"....know who we are, what we want, what we should do. For instance, your children totally believe that you and Aaron have it "all together" because you are grown up! They will gradually let go of that but still be surprised when they realize that they themselves don't suddenly feel "grown-up" turning 16, or 21, or 30.... or upon landing a good job, or a degree, or a marriage, or purchasing a house. Remember that feeling? It dogs most of us for much of our lives! Sometimes we are lucky and we hopefully experience lives that bring a sense of joy and accomplishment. And there are certainly plenty of examples of people who just "knew" they were going to write, or sing, or act, or paint - and then solidly pursued nothing else all their days. But they are the exception. Most of us have our grown up selves defined for us as we live - with something of a changing horizon as our goals adjust to knowing what we are and are not capable of, what circumstances allow and don't, and as you said, what God's surprising plans are. I used to think I would grow up to be an artist of some sort - now I know that I am a remarkably undisciplined person who has never really found the passion(s) that sent me fervently on my way to accomplish something. My growing up goals are now to stay happy with the changing horizon and maybe, God willing, do something decent for someone else along the way. I'm not sure that's all bad! (And I DO wish that I had simply enjoyed the process more!) :) Love you girl.

Jody Britton said...

Who thinks Pmoffitt should start her own blog because she always has wonderful things to say!!! C'mon ... show of hands folks!